I posted recently about a lesson I had learned, but I didn’t give the back story as to how I learned that lesson. Well, let me share. Last year my husband and I wrestled with the idea of homeschooling. However, we were feeling some financial pressure, so I jumped on the bandwagon to work and we sent our daughter off to school. I didn’t work very long before I really started questioning what we had done. Even so, I brushed it off and went on, as I knew we could really use the extra salary. About a month after I began working, our daughter was diagnosed with HSP. This is not a life threatening condition, and will go away at some point during the year, but it can be a scary condition as it can cause permanent kidney issues in some cases. From that point on it was doctor appointments every two weeks, and labs every few days. Then it was off to see a specialist, and more labs, and more appointments. I was always having to leave work or miss work. On top of this stress, I began feeling a huge sense of guilt for sending my child off to school and taking a job. I felt like I wasn’t following God’s will for our family. In recent months I have even felt depressed; often sad or mad for no reason at all. Finally, this week it was like God hit me over the head with it. He said “just let go!”. So I did. I resigned from my job to be back at home. Let me tell you, I have never felt more peace in my life…even with all the stress we do have right now. It was just right. My asst. principal had noticed a difference in me a long time ago, and had been waiting for me to come talk to him. He said I had done an amazing job, but something changed; that I had all the qualities of an amazing teacher, but this just wasn’t God’s will for my life right now. Wow! I was speechless! God was speaking through that man…right to me. God proved to me even more that this was right for us…in less than 48 hours they had filled my position. No teaching job ever gets filled that quickly! God has had his hand on all of this, all along. He taught me that he is in control, and I need to relax and let him go to work. So I am not home, and even though my daughter will be in school until May, I can now take her to school, pick her up, go on fieldtrips, go to school parties, and help out in her class….things I never got to do before, and things I would have never gotten to do during her Pre-K year had I not listened to God. So for once in a long, long time…I have amazing peace. Spare yourself the grief I felt, and listen to God! He is such a good God! And I promise you, if you give him the chance, he will work in your life. Is my family budget more than tight now that I’m back home….oh yea!…but God will provide. I may need to find a part-time job, or a night job, but never again will anything come before my family…nor will any job other than my job as mom be put first. This is God’s will and calling for me…it may not be for you, and that’s okay, but always listen to what God says.
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I wanted to get this post out quick, while this is fresh in my mind. I’m not going to give all the details of the story behind the lesson just yet, but I will soon. I learned something BIG from God this week. You see, I have not felt peace or comfort for the past nine months. It has nothing to do with God not being there, or me turning away from God, because the truth is I have been praying at the feet of God everyday for nine whole months. No matter what I had done, changed, said, prayed, etc., I still did not have peace. I knew something was not right. God was trying to work, but so was I. In order for God to work, we absolutely have to let go, and STOP working! God always provides, but we have to realize it is on his terms, in his time. Finally, I let go and God immediately began working. If we want peace, we have to have unconditional faith. We have to trust that God has our backs. You will never be able to hear God’s calling for you life if you don’t get out of your own head, and stop telling yourself how to handle it all. After nine, VERY long months, I finally shut up and let go, and now I have incredible peace dwelling within me. Are all of our problems solved now? No way! Might we have more problems in the near future due to our stepping out in faith the way we did? Maybe. But you see…it isn’t about the worry or the unknown…it’s about the faith. Every time I finally decide to pull my control-freak self back, and let God take over, he teaches me something. This lesson is something that every Christian has heard at least a million times during their life, but for me, I needed to hear it from God.
Have a Blessed Day!
Okay, so I haven’t updated my other blog in a while, but I plan to get back to it. Come follow me at http://pinkcouponbinder.blogspot.com/. I started this blog this past summer because I had so many people asking for my recipes, coupon match ups, etc. It has been neglected for a while, but I promise I will get back to it. So join me!
Here at the Kees household, we have two dogs. One is a black lab, Jake, and the other is a Dachshund, Ginger. Ginger is mostly an inside dog, but a real hunter at heart. Jake is mostly an outside dog, but a real baby at heart. Go figure! Yesterday, after I had gotten the house clean, twice did my husband open the french doors off the living room to tell me something and Jake ran in the house. It had just started raining and Jake had managed to escape from his pen. The first time he jumped up on our tan, cloth sectional. My husband quickly grabbed him up and ran outside. He knew they both were in trouble. (LOL) I was not so happy to say the least, but I cleaned the couch and luckily all the mud came out. The rain slacked up so my husband went back to the work he was doing in the yard. After a little while he came to the door again to have me put his wedding ring so he wouldn’t lose it while working. About that time, Jake ran past his legs, through the living room and into the kitchen….mud and all. So, off ran my husband in his muddy boots, through the living room and into the kitchen where proceeded to dive after the dog, falling on his face and missing the dog. He nor the dog were able to get much traction with all the mud. As they rounded the corner toward the dining room, my husband took another dive, again missing the dog. I, at this time, was patiently waiting between the living room and foyer for Jake to make his appearance. I was furious! As he came around the corner, I threw him toward the living room doors, rushed over to open the door, and picked up the dog and threw him out. My husband did not make a sound. I turned to walk into the kitchen and there I saw the HUGE, muddy mess. I think about this time my head levitated off my shoulders, started spinning, and smoke came out. Okay, so maybe not really, but I’m sure that is what it looked like to my husband. I immediately started yelling something about getting rid of the dog THAT day. My husband nodded his head, and walked outside, without speaking a word. I was so mad, my heart was racing and I couldn’t even think straight. I went straight into our bathroom and cried. After about five minutes of crying I washed my face and faced the mess. I wiped up the mud from the floors, swept, and mopped. I was not happy, but what else was I going to do. If that isn’t enough for you, this morning at some point after we left for church, Ginger, who usually stays in the laundry room while we are gone, got lose in the house. We did a frantic search in the house looking for her. She was not anywhere! Finally, my daughter heard her crying. She had managed to shut herself in my daughter’s room. When my husband opened the bedroom door, I could immediately smell it…poop! She had pooped all over the floor, on a blanket, toys, and a stuffed animal. She had tracked it everywhere! Once again I was not happy! As a mother, I can deal with a lot of nasty, but I do NOT do dog poop! My wonderful husband cleaned it up, deodorized, lysoled the place, and mopped the floor. It was pretty nasty, so I am very thankful that he did that for me. So needless to say, after this weekend of events, I was ready to sell the dogs. Even my daughter agreed with me! (LOL) However, I don’t think we will be getting rid of them anytime soon. If we do, it will be Jake simply because my husband doesn’t have the time for him. I guess pets can be a lot like kids, even though they do really nasty, bad things…we still care for them…and don’t get rid of them (LOL).
As strange as it may seem, I think there was lesson in this weekend’s events. It was a way for God to show me that having a clean and neat house is not always the priority, and I should not find my self-worth in that. That was a hard lesson for me, but I got it! God knows me too well! He knew it would take a tough lesson to teach an OCD, control-freak like me something so important. I encourage you to try to find the lesson in the day-to-day struggles…even when you are really mad, and it’s really hard.
Thanks for reading and God Bless!
My husband and I have a daughter, Riley Grace, who is 4 years old. She will be 5 in March. We have been trying to have another baby since she was 2 years old. Recently we have really been trying hard to get pregnant. This morning I tested negative as usual, so I’m feeling really down today. We can’t afford fertility treatments or adoption, but we are getting really tired of trying and being disappointed over and over. I never imagined I would have problems getting pregnant. Heck, the first one was a HUGE surprise, and we obviously had no problem getting pregnant with her…lol. Even my doctor can’t really give me a good answer. The only thing he thinks it could be is a biochemical form of PCOS. Fabulous, right! Not!! I’ve had so many appointments and tests, and ultrasounds to try and solve this mystery. Unfortunately we still don’t have any real answers. So today is a not so good day. I can’t help but think that maybe it isn’t God’s will for us to have any more kids. But I can’t find peace with that…I’m only 24. I’ve wanted a lot of kids since I was a little girl…no matter what, I always new I wanted to be a mom with a big family. But maybe it isn’t in the cards for us….
My daughter has a condition called HSP. It was diagnosed about 3-4 months ago after I noticed lots of bruising on her legs that weren’t going away. Luckily the blood tests came back normal, so the Dr. knew it was HSP. We have been to tons of visits and to a specialist. We do monthly urinalysis exams for our specialist, and have to keep up with her blood pressure. It’s a lot! It is a condition that begins to effect the kidneys, which is why she has had blood and protein in her urine. It can eventually lead to kidney failure if it progresses that far, but usually doesn’t. This week my daughter has been experiencing some other issues that can often be a symptom of the condition. So I have spent my day in the doctor’s office getting checked out and doing labs. Luckily the doctor said it just seems to be coincidence that she must have picked up a bug because her labs actually came back looking better than they had in the past. We were pretty worried at first, but what a blessing for us to know that her condition is improving…at least for now. This will eventually go away sometime within the year. It’s just a waiting game really. So for now we will just be taking some probiotics, and keep on doing our monthly lab work until further notice.
Thanks for reading! God Bless!
I hate to say it, but it’s that time again. School is back in session tomorrow. I am not thrilled about this at all. I am not looking forward to going back to work, nor am I thrilled to be sending my child off to school again. However, I will continue to push through and do what I need to do. I am positive that God will provide my husband the job that he has been looking for very soon, which will allow us to live the life we feel God has called us to. I know and trust that he will provide. How do you feel about sending your kid back to school for the spring semester? Happy? Sad? Relieved?
So as you pack up the backpack and lunches in the morning, just remember you are not alone. (lol) I hope everyone has a great back to school day!
As 2011 comes to a close here, I can’t help but think about all the things my family and I have gone through this year, as well as all the things we have to be thankful for. The close of 2011 marks another year down that we have been trying to have another child. We thought 2011 was going to be the year, but apparently God has other plans for us, and that’s okay with us. As much as we want to have more kids, we want it to be on God’s terms. We have faced financial difficulty this year, and recently job issues, but God always provides. It’s been tough, but certainly not as tough as many other people’s’ years have been. For that alone I am thankful. But most importantly, I am thankful for my family, my friends, my health, my family’s health, our home, our church family, and His agape love. I feel that 2012 will be a year of change for my family, and I pray that it be change for the best. I pray that God would continue to guide me and my family, to continue growing my family, and continue teaching us about his love and how to show others his love. So lets say goodbye to 2011…the good, the bad, and the ugly…and say hello to 2012, a new year full of possibility!
Happy New Year! My God bless you in the coming year!