AT 5:00am this morning, my sister, stepmom, and myself set out on a new journey. We have started the Couch to 5k program. This is something I have been itching to do, because well, lets be honest here, I desperately need to drop some weight and focus on getting MY life back. Week 1 Day 1 tells you to do about a 5 min warm up walk, and then begin a pattern of jogging for 60sec and walking for 90 sec for up to at least 20 minutes. We sort of personalized it and didn’t worry about keeping all the times, but the just fo it was all the same. We ended up doing 2 miles in around 30 minutes. In total we ran about 1 mile. Let me just tell you, this is by far the hardest thing I have ever done to date. I use to be an athlete in high school, but then I went off to college and gained a few pounds, then I got pregnant and gained enough weight for 2 or 3 pregnant women, then I lost some weight…got married, and began gaining weight back while trying to finish a degree, work full-time, and care for my family and home. I spent those years working out as I could and gaining and losing 5-10 pounds every so often. I figured once I graduated I would take the time for myself to get back into shape. Well, lets fast forward that 2 years and 5 months and here we are. I am still unhealthy, overweight, and spending more time being cheerleader for everyone else, rather than for myself. So now I’m sure you’re wondering what has motivated me to get to where I was at 5am this morning. Well, a beach vacation in 12 weeks for one, and for two, my husband and I have had problems getting pregnant a second time and I feel like the weight may be affecting my hormones, causing an imbalance and really messed up cycles. But besides all of that, this is way overdue. Way overdue! You know you are really out of shape when after 2 laps around the neighborhood (which is 1 mile), you can no longer feel anything from your knees down and feet literally feel like to ginormous bricks attached to your tree trunk legs. Thank the Lord is was dark out, because I know I looked pretty silly trying to walk and run with my legs feeling ….well, not feeling….so incredibly heavy. On my third lap I seriously considered just falling to the ground in pain, but oh no ma’am. I began to be reminded how God can get us through anything, and how when I am weak in spirit and weak in the flesh, he is made strong and carries me. Once we reached our fourth and final lap, I was not stopping, even if I had to crawl. I ran the first little part because I felt like I needed to run while I felt I could. And do you know what? It hurt! It hurt running, and it hurt when I walked, and it hurt when I ran once more. It hurt when I stretched afterwards, and my muscles still hurt a little now…31/2 hours later. However, it is a reminder of what I did…of what God did, as well as a wake up call for me. It showed me just how far I have fallen from being a healthy me. That makes me angry; angry at myself. When I came in the house this morning, my husband was just waking up. I went to the back with him, and he stretched my legs out for me as I cried. Now let me tell you, I do not cry. I don’t cry often, I don’t know why, but I’ve always been this way. God and my husband are probably the two people who have seen me cry most. Immediately my husband wanted to know why I was crying. Well, another thing about my crying, or lack there of, is that when I do, I don’t really want to talk or be touched and consoled in any way. And bless his sweet heart, my husband loves to try to comfort me when I cry. I think that is why God matched our hearts together; where one of us isn’t, the other is, where one of is doesn’t, the other does. It is truely amazing the way that we compliment one another. Anyhow, he was asking what was wrong and giving me a hug, and I wanted so bad to push back and remain silent, but I knew it was time to be real with not just him, but myself and God. “I’m angry at myself,” I told him. He was puzzled. I went to tell him how I was angry that I let myself become so out of shape, so overweight, and that I waited so long to really do something about it. He said he understood exactly what I meant, and offered me amazing words of encouragment, which meant the world to me at that point. When I told him what I had done and how much it hurt my legs to keep going, he expressed how proud he was of me. Wow! Right there I realized that I did have a cheerleader of my own, and actually I have had many all along, I just failed to realize it and utilize them. I had failed to step up. Now I know all of this sounds sort of romantical, but trust me…it is far from it. This is only day one. We will be back on that road tomorrow morning, same time, same routine. Lets hope tomorrow is easier. People say it does get easier, but it does take time and determination. That’s okay, I know I can do this because I have God on my side. Who knows, maybe I’ll do double duty and go for a walk this evening.
Thanks for reading and have a blessed day!